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Nyla Nox writing in politicsmeanspolitics: My life in the hostile environment

‘I live in a hostile environment’.

Over the last year, many EU citizens in the UK have said that. So many times.

Harassment? Bullying? Legal uncertainty? Lack of empathy?

Being made into the ‘other’, being publicly vilified, demonized? Encountering obstacle after obstacle, so that life becomes a misery?

Like many other EU citizens, I have encountered all these.

But until a few days ago I thought that maybe it was just a personal perception.

Personal perception

Maybe it’s just because I’m not strong enough. Maybe it’s it because I can’t cope? Do I see a conspiracy where there is only an accidental collision of events? Are the nasty people, the acts of discrimination just unfortunate side effects?

Or do I perceive this all as ‘catastrophic’ because of my history as the survivor of a very difficult childhood? I’ve worked all my life on getting rid of what therapists call my faulty perception, the perception that the world is a hostile environment, because my childhood world was.

So am I sliding back in my recovery, perhaps through the reawakened anxiety that comes from not knowing my fate and future? Can London, the place I loved and felt at home in, really have become a hostile environment for the likes of me?

But a few days ago I had a brutal eye opener.

I am shocked.

Because the answer, in short is yes. It’s not my individual perception.

The hostile environment is real.

It is no accident. It was deliberately created by the UK government. The evidence is there, out in the open. They are in fact quite proud of it.

Eye opener

The EU citizen experience after the Brexit referendum has been an eye opener. A whole series of eye openers, in fact. Eye openers like bottle openers, sharp and painful. Leaving ragged wounds. Injuries that won’t heal.

But a few days ago, following various frightening twitter threads, I stumbled upon an article that suddenly explained the source of a lot of our suffering, the hostile environment. Or, rather, the Hostile Environment — because that’s its official government name.

To be honest, this is more than an eye opener. It’s like eye surgery with a bread knife that pierces the nerve right into the brain. Making my vision sharper, but my heart very heavy.

Here it is, the knife sharp moment:

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Nyla Nox writing in politicsmeanspolitics: My life in the hostile environment

‘I live in a hostile environment’. Over the last year, many EU citizens in the UK have said that. So many times. Harassment? Bullying? Legal uncertainty? Lack of empathy? Being made into the ‘other’, being publicly vilified, demonized? Encountering obstacle after obstacle, so that life becomes a misery? Like many other EU citizens, I have […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in The Coffelicious: Assault and dental surgery II — and how I found solace in objects and potatoes

I was fully awake. I was awake and throwing up when they injected my jaw so that it bulged up and triggered my gag reflex. They then walked off and left me with an assistant I could not even see. I was fully awake when blood filled my mouth and I couldn’t swallow for fear […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in Medium/#NoDustOnBrexit: A Letter to my British Friends

… on the day you refused me protection after Brexit.   Let’s share a cup of tea together before you kick me out…   Dear British Friends   I love you. I’ve lived with you for a long time. I know your culture. I’ve read your books and watched your shows. I’ve worked in your […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in Medium/The Coffeelicious: The annual cull — your life as surplus stock

‘Cull’- the ‘selective slaughter of inferior or surplus animals’ (Oxford English Dictionary) Once a year, or sometimes at special occasions, a big company will execute a ‘cull’. A certain percentage of the workforce will be fired. It’s routine. It’s commonplace. It’s normal. But what does that word actually mean — ‘cull’? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in Medium: The Hatching of the Neo-Fascist Egg

Where did the rulers of today develop their dangerous strategies? I am afraid of them. And I know why. Nyla was there, deep inside the experiment of ‘internal fascism’. For seven years, I lived inside a place, a place like a small country, that was run ruthlessly, some say brutally, on the principle of winners […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in The Coffeelicious: “Money or Life”

Money or Life – Nyla’s story from the pick and mix aisles of survival Forget all the rags to riches fairy tales. Most of us will have to make this choice. I made it — twice. If the proverbial visitor from an alien planet (and, no, it can no longer be Mars) were to form a working […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in Business Insider: How bankers prepare for an all-nighter

When I joined the Bank, I bought a suit, with money I didn’t yet have. Nobody told me (essential information was never divulged by the Bank) but after midnight, we were supposed to go ‘casual’ – but not too casual. One of my colleagues in the graphics center had to work in his coat because […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in efinancialcareers: The City of London in 2030: a dark and deviant vision

The view from the hourly DUB/FRA Banker Shuttle is kind of cloudy as the bankers swerve to avoid English airspace. “Been there?” asks the Spaniard, peering into the gloom. “Sure – I’m on a stag night to Little London next week,” says his Polish colleague. “You oughta try it: it’s incredibly cheap at £7:€1. The […] Continue reading

Nyla Nox writing in Open Democracy: The Dark Heart of Capitalism

In seven years of working on the graveyard shift at the Most Successful Bank in the Universe, what I saw was pretty shocking. Bankers, says the current iconography, are greedy, amoral money grabbers. I, too, once subscribed to that innocent belief. But the bankers I met during seven years of working on the graveyard shift […] Continue reading

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